February 23rd, 2006

day of green eyes


i envy people who can fall asleep so easily

i lay awake

they just get in bed
and the gravity pulls them down

into sleep

maybe it's their Older?

and it's different with everyone

Arthur is like an opiate for me
but i never sleep well with him

i can get comfortable
but i always wake up tired..

though last time we slept...
i woke in the early morning
and watched him
laying right on his back! no covers!
snoring ever so slightly
legs open
arms everywhere

i'd never seen him like that
and i really wanted a picture

but then he rolled on his side

"...and so hard to get out of bed"

but with lovers
it changes

with Leo
i used to sleep well
then it got harder and harder
it was better
i could sleep with him
just had to be aware of my own patterns
and sometimes
it says
"no, you're not sleeping yet"

and with Nay
i could just curl up
but this year
it's been laying next to him
listening to him snore

trying and trying to just fall asleep

but not
so i get up
and write a bit


i'm on european time already
of course

been staying up til 4 the last few nights
waking around noon

get enough sleep boy

on european time

i leave at 10:30 Pm tonight
fancy that
flying all night
and then

to surprise a friend on the Warmoerstraat!
wiped out

the rush of leaving

(i wrote this version on in the airport, still huffing and puffing... waiting to leave)

i must admit
i'm quite surprised


not all day
not for days

just two days
just part of the time

i'm really lazy

but i pushed today
pushed really hard
up and down those five flights of stairs about six times
to the bank
to flower power
with all my stuff
up and down
the trash
the ... things i wanted to keep.

my little chassidic friend gave me a ride
... i huffed
and wondered
who could i call?

someone i had served
maybe he owed me one?
i repaid him in porn
and off he went
just as Nayland's land lord pulled up behind us in a cab
i grabbed it
and asked him to wait
while i ran all the stuff up and threw it in my small little room
(the room i already imagine as mine)
organized some stuff
moved over the rest of the music onto my ipod
shut down the computer
put away the hard drives
ran downstairs
and took a breather

it took the 20+ minutes in the car to relax
brush my beard
put my hair up
put everything in my luggage
in its right place

no snags
i'm here at the airport
with still an hour to wait


and after all
i'm here.