March 2nd, 2005

half moon

better days

Better Days

i just spent the entire first half of the day walking in the sunshine.

i'm feeling better.

yesterday i wanted to do this
but slept in til past noon
and it clouded over pretty quickly and started pouring...

i had dinner with a friend at one of those cult-sponsored-yogi-vegetarian places
and then a voice came from far off to remind me to not half-ass my life and do what i really want and need and to PAY ATTENTION TO MY FEELINGS
Then Leo picked me up
and i spent many hours cuddling and talking with him

i love it when relationships are so much more vivid and passionate
coz you only see each other every TWO weeks for A night...

('whatever works, honey')

Leo dropped me off in the lower haight so i could get a juice
(vegetable: beet, parsley, ginger, apple, carrot, fennel...? and a wheat-grass shot... and a bottle of water)
and i checked my email:
only ONE person, so far, has responded to all the emails i've sent out to craigslist looking for housing
and she said i could come look at the place at 11 this morning
about 15 minutes?
i jumped on the buss up to Ashbury Heights
and made it right on time.

she wasn't home.

i walked down to Haight Street
wandered around
felt the gathering frustration of being in such a commercial space
and the fact that i really needed to poo
and there are NO public restrooms...

i got to golden gate park
and the restrooms were locked
-- a little kiosk on the corner... those toilet-booth things:
out of order (dead)

the only thing i've given to them in the last 9 years is my shit and piss

i walked from there back through the park
up around the stadium
and up fredrick's street back to where this house was i was looking at
-- still not home.

walking away
i notice a dead bird on the street
and went to move it to the trunk of the tree; cover it with dirt.

it was a humming-bird.

bad omen anyway, eh? don't want to live here.

beautiful little thing-- i've never been able to hold one before.
i picked it up and studied it
a feather came off in my fingers, i smoothed it and saved it
and buried it by the base of the tree.

then walked up the street to Buena Vista Park..

walked around...
up to the top
dogs, "hello", glancing
down one side
two guys on a bench, smiles and laughs, glances
i had to take a pee
and by that time i noticed i was being watched
--- we became friends
and he introduced me to the park
-- even though i've been in this park before and know it's cruisy-fame
i've never done anything here

he showed me where it all goes down
and a nice Haitian man offered me Lunch.

some cute young boy (31) really wanted to play
but i explained to him my tastes and he offered me his number
--- explaining he'd be happy to introduce me to interesting people when i get settled in.

i walked down the hill, into the castro
on Noe, i noticed the flower guy is gone...
-- i hope he's in baltimore taking care of his shit --
i thought, as i slipped in a pile of dog crap.


bought another juice (this one not fresh, just a Naked juice in a bottle)
walked to Market
bought another bottle of water
made some (dead-end) calls
walking down market
i saw a kid i see around often
often, meaning 10 times in the last 3 years or so...
but i always remember him
he's handsome
-- he's from Santa Cruiz..

turns out he's living up here in the city now
and the house he's living in has a room for rent
-- up on twin peaks
four house mates -- for at least a year
might not be what i need
but good to be in touch: someone to hike and kick around town with...

walked down to church
and got a Cactus Burrito

then headed back here, to Tiffany Manor

feeling much better
ready to send more emails