February 28th, 2005

tending fire

good morning sunshine

last night's sleep
was like a junkie's withdrawl
(wow, i'm usuing powerful similies lately that i feel might piss off people who have actually had these experiences and make me sound like a drama queen... but it's how i'm feeling)
i tossed and turned
my head filled with snot
sweating profusely
going in and out of "dreams"
-- a thousand angels, all my friends, were soothing me
lifting me
washing me
taking me
to all the potentials i create playing on the internet
living them
forcing me to go through
all the hopes and dreams i create
in the eathers...

yesterday's post was just me feeling like shit
and needing to drain some of the puss out
feel bad
and allow myself to feel bad.

i re-edited it about 6 times.. adding things i wanted to say that i had forgot initially... then curbing a few things back

and the first reply i got to it made me feel really funny
like " don't fuck yourself up, babe, there are greater things a-head "
treat myself more preciously
don't even know what's good for me
it's confusing in this city
it's really hard for me to keep balanced

but i'm working on it.

61 henry and the other place that guy had in the mission both rented immediately
so i'm still looking for a place
it looks like i'll need a little over $2000 to get my own apartment/studio
there have been some great deals
but they all include a security deposit
and i'm about $600 short right now
so i need to rent a room for a month or a few weeks
gather up the cash
THEN get my own apartment

future: we'll see how it works out
til then
enjoy the day
thank you.
  • Current Music
    lazy line painter jane -- belle and sebastian