February 15th, 2005

very much vine

into the lions...

what a wonderful day this is

"valentine's day is just a day invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap"
-charlie kaufman, Joel Barrish: "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" -- a year ago

i was talking with someone in SF on the phone tonight
and said something about Leo
and he paused and asked in that slightly-put-off-but-pretending-it's-ok voice
"are you guys, like, romantically involved?"

i love so many people
and when i get asked this question
i always need to qualify and be aware of how i express it...

i don't own anyone
nor am i owned by anyone

and though i love many
i don't feel i'm able to be a husband to any of them
because of my life style
it's not respectful nor responsible
but i love people on these terms
and am loved by people on these terms
(and, admittedly, on many others... and none!)

in that big lonely city
there are so many people starving for love...
(well, everywhere, really)
and the general understanding that
"if you love him, you won't love me"
strange uni-directional love

my heart is a sphere.

and we cuddled
me and Leo
we napped
we talked
he cooked True Cod and asparagus with rice and a mayonaise/mustard sauce...
tarragon on everything.


and a screening of Eli's latest film, "The Art Colony"
which features a girl being forced to shit on stage while she is saying
"i want to show you what's inside of me, i want you to understand me: i love you, i love you, i fucking love you"

then bits from "Orgasmo" -- the Trey Parker film that hasn't really gotten a release in this country
(about a nice mormon boy saving the souls of LA through the inside of the Porn industry)

and then we ate Cheese cake
cuddled more
i put Leo to bed
and i've been up here
doing things
making it work

and what have i found on LJ tonight?
more love from the past...
reading about meetings and rembrances from last year
sending out little dashes of love to friends...
finding a friend who i haven't talked to in months (since 2003, really)
who has just joined LJ and has added me as a friend, even though...

i'm magnanamous tonight
and i love you

in all my talk of "my heart is a sphere" he serves to remind me how difficult it can be to really love another person

easy to love in that God kinda way
but in that human to human way

it's the work worth doing..

i strayed off that path for a while
i'm back on it

this time of my own volition, though...

Happy day of celebration of love
(this is today, this is tomorrow, this is every moment you remember...)
  • Current Music
    Neighborhood #4 (7 Kettles)-The Arcade Fire-Funeral

A Call to the Kids

No Cars Go

We know a place where no planes go
We know a place where no ships go

(Hey!) No cars go
(Hey!) No cars go
Where we know

We know a place no space ships go
We know a place where no subs go

(Hey!) No cars go
(Hey!) No cars go
Where we know

(Cars go!)

(Hey!) Us kids know
(Hey!) No cars go
Where we know

Between the click of the light and the start of the dream
Between the click of the light and the start of the dream
Between the click of the light and the start of the dream
Between the click of the light and the start of the dream

(I don’t want any pushing, and I don’t want any shoving.
We’re gonna do this in an orderly manner.
Women and children!
Women and children!
Women and children, let’s go!
Old folks, let’s go!
Babies needing cribs, let’s go!)


to me
this song is Epic
but simple, like yr eye...
it took me a few listenings to understand it
is there someone out there that feels like they understand it?

i wanna make sure there are people who know how to get out of their cars...

i was looking at the sky yesterday
or... was that a hallucination?
was that a dream?

everything seemed strange

so few of us deal with three dimensions in this society
2D: paper, books, TV, computer
stare at all the time
i've been staring at the computer screen

but out there is a world to walk around in
get bruised on
leave yr mark on
scuff your feet
take a piss
plant a house
build a tree

"light a candle for the kids!
Jesus Christ! Don't keep it hid!"

----arcade fire

"coz nothing's hid!
from us kids!"
  • Current Music
    No Cars Go-The Arcade Fire-"us kids know"
another alien

arriving underwater

like the moon
i wax on through the nights

a week ago
i was sleeping somewhere normal
waking round 8 or so
all my intentions

i got later and later
until last night
where i stayed up til past dawn
almost 8

laying in bed
thinking it insane
i just shouldn't sleep!
i'm not tired anyway...


all these things happening
prayers answered

Leo woke me around noon
and he told me he'd wake me around 11
i was startled

he made breakfast of chilli-turkey sausage, eggs and rice
i packed up
said good bye to the house
and headed down the road
head bobbing along the way...
everything blanketed in fog and rain

have i ever seen SF so rainy?
we went for dinner at a chinese resturant
right next to the LAB on 16th street
we had duck and bok choy

there was this little baby who's head looked like an alien
Leo kept saying "it's not really a baby, it's an alien..."

and this BIG mexican guy
big mustache
huge shoulders
i was lusty
Leo was laughing with/at me

we went to Rainbow grocery
and bought three types of chese
one was Ski Queen "Gjetost"
which is like cheese made of Caramel...
another: French Morbier Raw Goat Milk chese
where they seperate the morning milking from the evening milking by a layer of ash...
the last
italian caciotta del lazio sheep milk/ pecorino fresco

yum yum yum

we'll eat them with black chocolate
and rice crackers
but now
we're sitting in the hotel room in SOMA
on Harrison at 5th street
the rain is still falling heavily outside
i don't think i've ever seen it so rainy out there
it's exciting.. to think of running around in it
but we're going slow
we're tired
i'm still a little hopped up on the caffiene from the chinese resturant

we're going to have some calming tea
and then turn this computer into a DVD player
hook it up to the TV
and watch some movies

--- i'm arriving
i want to take my time to really be here

exhaustion is always a great introduction for me
keeps me from having expectations or trying too hard
i have no choice but to surrender