December 31st, 2004

maybe i'm a faery

what did we do today?

feeling productive?

is it the moon?
i don't know
i'm exhausted
but keeping myself from sleep...

last night(?) i went to sleep shortly after dawn

woke shortly after noon
and did some dishes
enjoying the sun break in the clouds...

i realized pretty quick that if i wanted to go for a walk
i should do it fast
coz things were getting ominous and grey out there...

but the house was such a mess!
Rick and Leo are both King Heathens (no, i mean Headonists)
there were wine glasses, chamagne glasses, absinth glasses
soup bowls, plates, desert, chocolate
a million pots and pans
all piled up

groggily
i waded through them
and when i noticed the sun had fled and left me with grey
i laced up my boots and headed out the door

realizing immediately
that i would not be able to walk the mile down the hill
and back up
and not be totally drenched
( i thought i might go fetch the mail... )
so
instead
grabbed the Matlock and Spade from the shed
and strutted off down the road...

these hand-made steele-toed Red Wing boots are a work out in themselves...
makes me feel like a heavy man
instead of the waif that i am..
(especially so sleep deprived)

i walked through the naked forest
to the small ravine before the crest of the hill that devides the plates up here
(granite from obsidian)
and set about figuring out how to fix the water problem:

when it rains a hugs pool forms that i have to drive very slowly through....
so i started digging a drainage ditch...
i was surprised
it worked so well
and the little lickings of water pouring down the embankment brought glee to my face

mud spattered all over my boots
droplets starting to scar the surface of the murkey waters
i dredged out a path down the forest into a suspicious pit (why was it there?)

the headed back up towards the house...

i kept wanting to fill in holes in the road..
but the rain was getting harder
and i was already coughing up phlem

"you'll get pnemonia" some mother was saying in my ear
so i ran home and threw the tools in the shed
moist and hot

ate some dates and yogurt
and put on Badly Drawn Boy's "One plus One is One"

both this CD and the new Rufus Wainwright's
make me feel like these guys are just throwing together thoughts and feelings
in a lazily orhcestrated way
not really Art
just putting it out there...

follow this up by then watching Jim Jarmusch's "Myster Train" tonight
it reminds me how easy it is to make art...
you just Make it

in today's culture
we don't need discipline nor any skill or talent
just free expression

OK
i guess that's what my journal is

but i've got more to do than that

stay tuned...

but for now
i'm going to try to sleep

tea in hand
eyes going bleary

hopefully i'll feel better when i wake
coz as i am now
i don't want to go travelling or bearing or faerying or anything
i just want to stay home and taunt sex and read novels and cook for myself

sleep
right

answers come in dreams.