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go out every evening... @ 05:47 am

Current Mood: in the nest again
Current Music: "waifs and strays" - marc almond

starving


i've been eating ravenously

i've not been sleeping much

i've stayed up to see the dawn again today

tonight was the full moon


now
was


but i feel out of place
like something isn't working
being around these parents
this family

what did i say to Leo?

i feel Stifled in every way

i am starving
for myself

and maybe the hunger is a good thing: a poignant reminder.

at night
when i no longer have to quiet myself for them
i come alive

and it's all virtual
: i don't have any friends here

"i go out every evening
collecting waifs and strays"

and on the computer
i find people i imagine i could meet
finding some comfort and solace there:

the intimacy of a stranger
such a de-compression from the supression of the family

so i need myself
and myself, when the moon is full, is more important than sleep

when the sun's in Leo and the moon is in Aquarius
break those boundaries
go out every night
and hold on to trees
saying "yeah"
saying "yeah"
and getting it.


all my old high-school writing
and the people i knew back then
always said " you're more alike people than you think you are "
and did i come across thinking i was so different?
i could say the difference was only for perspective
but it's Harsh right now
and i remember
feeling like a total alien:
no place to call home
drifting
through every day life
through a place i've known forever
: still not fitting in

when i'm just like eveyone else
what keeps me seperate?


i keep floating by
and find myself in the night:
whoever it is i am tonight
reflecting the moon
the dreams in the eyes of the people
who have lost the sun even more than i have
 

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