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cleansing and shit @ 10:31 pm

Current Mood: flushed
Current Music: Kid A (Radiohead cover)-Howie Day-Live

today was the first day of the salt-water flush part of my cleanse
here's more on it:
http://curezone.com/cleanse/bowel/master_cleanse.asp
http://www.bc1.com/~vitagem/Master_Cleanser.htm

it left me feeling strange all day
after i drank the salt water
at 6:30 in the morning or whatever
i got back in bed
and slept until 9 something
where i was awoke by this guy i'd met on line while i was in brazil
he was really into the "master" thing
and though i've never done that
i've always been attracted to it
but that
when i actually meet a guy
my sensors go off and i can never trust someone's integrity over my own
so i never give control over
when that is what is necessary to be a slave
and to willingly submit to a greater power
is to let one's self be led
and to be led into wholeness
that is what he was offering

of course
when i met him
i felt like he was the same as everyone i knew in SF
(grrrr, i don't mean to be so judgmental sorry, Most people i know in SF)
a friend described them as "Pez people"
which i thought was hilarious
but not that, no
just a desperate desire for closeness
in a city that has bred a specific type of distance between people
everyone hungry for reality
in a land full of actors.
he asked me what i was going through
and half way through my explanation
he stopped me to get a word in edge-wise
and went off on his own agenda
basically telling me
that my not calling him back was denying him the right to spend time with me

i felt like he just didn't understand
i didn't want to
or i obviously would
but i was too tired for such things.

i sat and let the water pour through me.

then i went to get on line
with the intention of finishing yesterday's journal entry
that got cut-off in the middle of the writing of it due to the keyboard locking up
i ended up spending a few hours on the computer
getting all sexually worked up and distracted
and
i'm sure
blocking some phone calls

but when i got off the computer
no one called all day

i lay in the sun
read another story by mr delaney

had some lemonade
and embarked on cleaning the house a bit
Leo wanted me to sweep the back porch
one thing leads to another
and i started on the Buddhist practice of "sweeping the path"
that is
this house has lots of dirt and rock paths
all littered with leaves and cobwebs and other droppings from trees
i spent over two hours sweeping around the house
sweeping the dirt
making it clear
(laughs)

then
exhausted
i realized i'd not really had enough nourishment today
so i quickly downed a glass of lemonade
had another
and lay down to read Arthur's book

the day had gone so quickly

a short conversation with Leo
and the sun was gone

i went in with the intention of cleaning my room
but got on the computer to update my yahoo-profiles
because
earlier in the day
i had the yahoo messanger open
and some guy messaged me asking me if i was a member of the "Talaban"
or if i worked for them

at first
i thought it was someone i knew playing a game with me
i didn't answer that question of course
coz of how inane it is
i tried to figure out who he was
he started getting angry and mean at me
saying i looked "mean and evil"
and as i tried to explain myself
he said
"oh, you live on a mountain top. how are you talking to me on line then? who's electricity are you stealing?"

i started pointing out that he was really scared and jumping to conclusions and what happened to him that made him so afraid

then he really lashed out
and told me he was going to turn me into the FBI for stealing money from good americans and stealing their electricity too

what the fuck?

so i looked into him
i thought he was this puerto rican guy i talked with last year on the internet
turns out it wasn't him
it was his "lover"
new lover as far as i could tell
coz this guy didn't have one last year
though he was desperate for one
both me and my friend Dani he'd gone really strong for
trying to marry us
even though he didn't know us

you know
passionate desperate fantasies

still
all this being said
this guy kinda freaked me out

per the example in Michael Moore's movie
of a man being investigaed by the FBI because he'd made a comment about the fucked up nature of the government while working out at the gym
i knew people were fear-ridden and insecure enough to do shit like that
and is there a user-friendly and easy way to report people to the FBI like big brother tells you to?
Yes, there are signs all over NYC, i've seen them

... the last thing i need

but then
i don't really do anything illegal
but for not paying taxes
and
the entire life i lead

anyway
i got back on the computer
for what i meant to be a short time
but it was four hours later...

i'd made a joke in a message to a friend of mine
alluding to my being a computer addict

but damn
sometimes it's hard to quit!

anyway
on with today's voiding
and cleaning
and cleansing
and listening...
 

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