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i love my life @ 08:46 pm

so, ok, if you're in the mood, click here real quick and read this:
http://www.thesonglyricsworld.com/pulp/ilovelife.html

so, ok

i slept pretty well in my hammock that night
but for the strange bugs biting me
and a chill i got near dawn
i pulled my pink dress over me ...

i woke and rummaged in myself while the sun rose
figured out what i was about
re-defining myself for the new day

there was this sound...
what is that?

i turned over and looked to my right: all swamp
oh shit...
last night i kept saying to myself:
Now is low-tide.. no matter how tempted you feel, DON"T SLEEP BY THE WATER
i turned left where my bag was
and it was dry
ok
but kinda muddy
not bad
odd
under me
there were tons of little holes in the ground...

have you ever seen "the Street of Crocodiles" by the Brother Quay?
there are these dolls
(with nothing in their heads, empty eye-sockets)
they dance at one point
(stuffing falling out from the joints)
spinning around to the violins
then stopping
facing the camera
light shining through their eyes
left arms raised
then spinning round in circles...

under my hammock
out of the little holes came little crabs
as if in some elaborate morning dance
they raised their huge left claw
(all of them only had one large claw, the other too small to notice at all)
and rotated them around in circles
slowly
dreamily

i watched them for a long time
made little movies with my camera..

eventually convinced myself to get out of bed, welcomed by the crabs
stood in the sun
saw my coconut
shook off the ants
and peeled out the meat
mmm

streatched
breathed

packed up, shoulderd my bag
fought through my indecision
and got on the ferry over to IlhaBela (the island)

mmmm
jump a buss
ride ride ride
"is there a nude beach?"
'oh yeah, it's called ma;khjlhalhreoh'
"mmm, yeah? could you write that down?"

i got off there, at Praia Pinto
and walked to the water

not a nude beach
but still

i took off my clothes
and jumped in

oh
it is so beautiful to be in the ocean
i love it
think
swimming in turquoise blood
that loves you
wants only nourish you

bought some pants
washed my white clothes
lay in the sun
oh
danced in the water
walked around
washed in the water
bathed in the sun
lay on the towel
and
from exhaustion
fell asleep
Ohhh

a little crispy now
red skin

albino crab dancing around my bag
ha!

enough
a little coconut oil
clothes on
back to the buss
out of money now
go change some in town, hmmm
girl gives me a great deal
she's also wearing a franciscan Tao...
good omens...

back to the ferry
but maybe a bit of food?
in the store
i try to find something with out meat
and something that's not fried
Ohmmm

and some kid taps me on the shoulder and rattles off some portugese
"Hmmm, desculpe, no falo portugese" i sing a little song
but we figure it out:
he wants to rent me a room for 20 reais on the island

well, ok

i don't need to head out today anyway, now do i?

i thought i'd have to go to camburi and stay at youth hostel
(sssssss)

so we walk back to his house
beautiful
of course
and filled with beautiful kids
french guys
and girls and boys from argentina
and so beautiful

great
ok
(laughs)

walk around a bit
write a bit online (last night)
go home , eat food the artentians made for me
simple
pasta and creme,tired of all the fired food as well
then vodka/condensed milk and passion fruit!
ayyyeee!

the night turns into the dominic show, as it often does
when i start talking about my life
one answer beggs another question
and all 6 people are staring at me
asking me about my dad
and when i left home
and is he over 30? or 25?
and i tell some tales
i'm very tired
"oh, but someday you'll stop travelling,
i'm sure,some day you'll get married and have children
just look at you, you'll have to"
'i'm gay'
Oh.
(does this really change everything so much?
apparently, though not in a bad way, just a place of disconnect on a fundamental level...)

they go out to dinner, out to dancing, out to drinking

i go to sleep.

this morning i dreampt alot
something about me being an actor again
something about my mother
something about love

i got out of bed at noon
ate a bit of bread and cheese and jam and garlic

it's the new moon today
the owner-girl Paula was crying
: her boy friend left her 10 days ago... she is nothing with out him
she cannot go on
me and Fred (Frederick Dominique, the friend guy from the south of france)
try and comiserate
try to beat her into understanding that this always happens
and we always live through it
and sometimes it takes years to get over it
but it's life
it's alright

then i understand it's the new moon
she feels empty, that's right
her heart friend. root chakra firend. life mate of 8 years
Gone
sorry
ok

time to move on

she tells me of river in the mountains to swim in
but in her pain, forgets to draw a map
i don't pressure her
i sew her curtains
i sit down and read 50 pages of "one hundred years of solitude"
Fernando (argentina) gives thumbs up
it's raining
we are all laying around
siesta...

i jump up and say
"i'm going swimming"

i had meant to leave today
but how could i?

Mauricio ( the boy who brought me here, 19 )
now offers to take me to the river
the two argentinian boys come with

we walk up and up
out of town
into the mountain
jumping over rocks
up the mountain river
following the water pipes that people have set up to get fresh water..
we go to their source
and jump into the cool clean water
let the waterfalls pour over us
they don't mind: i'm naked
but they all have suits on

we get all languid and happy
the water cools my burnt skin
takes the heat off for a bit
brings a chill on
i drink my fill
floating in the flow
laugh
go under
come up

we head down
little explorations
i climb a tree out over the valley and try and pick purple passionfruits off the vine...
precarious... i get two good ones...

down down
back to the house

still pain in paula
there's a the french
there's some pasta
we make toast and eat pasta
i go to wash the dishes
we run out to buy food for dinner
vegetables for a stir-fry
and cachasa for making cockails later
(it's a white rum, apparently very strong and strange)

i came here after
wanted to let you know i'm OK
had to change course

around the nurturing of the thin world-kids
not my customary big bellied momma bears

"ganesha is chubby to show his eternal connexion with his mother"

ma-ma!

ma ma

i'm going back to SP tomorrow (4 hours)
catching a buss directly to Yuri's... (5 hours)
then bussing from there to Abadiania (5+hours) on monday morning
to see my mother

i'll be vegitarian til then
and sex-less

a bit of rest.

"now get this right
i love my life
it's the only reason i'm alive
it's Mine, all Mine...
just as long as i don't forget to breathe
breathe in, breathe in
breath out"
 

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