15.7 Samstag - Notes. Love Parade. Schuwl Strassefest. @ 11:46 pm
people who are intelligent
but not in their mind
they are not conscious
they are existing
everything a dynamic between extremes
every person an example of an extreme
every person a culmination of a billion aspects
withing each person both sides of every extreme
the core of the person
bound by the tension of every aspect
soul? self? ego?
"Design your own gender"
though playful: still a command
i wish it had been phrased with some thing that assumed you knew already. always have the option for.
. . .
a while later
keep noticing the badge on Coco's chest
he says to the man who gave him surprise storage for the booth
(connection through the fire eye'd boy)
"that's why i wear this"
when the man had told him
"it is very difficult to understand what you are selling at that booth"
' yes ' - i ask
' i've been wondering: what does that say? '
"Remember: your identity is Always Free"
' i took four pictures '
"let me see.?"
' this one is of you '
"oh - i'm so fat"
it is what you are
so love it '
i've never seen street girls like this before
all through the 80's... 70's... fucking probably last 400 years..
girls on the streets selling their bodies
but like this?
the night is cold
we're riding our bikes at midnight in berlin
they're hardly wearing anything
bare thighs, calves
the cars going by
a man heaving his jacket up on his shoulders
meeting the teeth of the zipper
closing against the cold
she turns her foot out to open her thigh's warmth to the passing cars
to me on my bike
looking through me.
when we leave the house today
riding still on the sidewalk
three men stand around a table
outside a grocery store?
one is wearing trousers
one has running shorts on.
the other looks like he's wearing black lycra underwear
on the street
three middle aged men talking about something over a drink
near the day's 20th hour
on a long summer evening
how foreign to me.
i try to explain to Coco
when he complains that even though he's repeating "Gratis" every time he does the call
offering the cock and cunt oracles in a hat
-everyone asks how much it costs.
"no body can even be bothered to pay attention"
' when i was in the teirgarden yesterday
i chewed on some salvia divinorum
put my back against a tree
and went inside myself
to ask what the fuck was up
see where i'd gone to...
i've just not been paying attention
moving too quickly
skimming the surface of life
have to move slower
because i want to live a deeper life
experience everything deeply..
what if the man in the kebab shop was a pisces?
what if he could feel all the pain and sadness
anger and confusion
as i wait for my lamb to be cooked
focus in my body
let the tension uncurl
my neck So Sore
knees and elbows aching
just from the awareness
why aren't i aware all the time
how come i've been drifting away?
i've known for years about the saturn return
i kept telling people i was preparing for it
how come i managed to show up to the test completely shattered and scattered with all of my resources exhausted?
on the bike ride home
past Potsdamer Platz
("we have embarked")
Rolf keeps joking
"feel the love parade!"
"what is that? : IT'S a man's underwear!"
"this is a tunnel of love"
in the darkness
where i'm afraid i'll crash
he feels everything
he's feeling the lost hurricane inside me
wandering around the great wide ocean
he's trying to remind me
we're in love.