dominicvineoftheowls (dominicvine) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:

hi, i'm back


i'm sitting here in an internet cafe
different one from the last time
---oh i didn't write from there

i'm in portland oregon now

in North portland...

been visiting Sheridan.

i'm sitting in The Fresh Pot on Mississippi street.

there is art on the walls

one of the pictures
is mainly
of the building i worked in
when i lived here in portland:
Boarded up to look like it's condemned.

and in a way
You Bet Your Life it Is.

"do you feel free"
"do you feel responsibility?"

yes yes yes

so i'm back from the forest
i'm sorry
it would have made sense to post it here
but i didn't

June first was my birthday
and i went to the Wolf Creek Naraya:
an american Indian Ritual/Dance for
Two-Spirit (Walks-Between) people

it was really beautiful when i got there
but for weeks before i had not been sleeping much
just a few hours a night, generally

and i had become obsessed with COLD

so i was at the gathering
sleeping in a hammock
in the middle of the forest ( and tons of poison oak)
i would wake up every morning exhausted and sore
and very cold
pray that i wasn't covered in poison oak as i tromped past it over and over...
and then dancing all night
and sitting in circle all day
i was a tired boy
but i didn't mind this
i LOVED it

well, but for the dancing
and mainly
i found i really didn't believe them
i didn't believe the people
and i would get angrier and angrier for subjecting myself to it
and angrier for not just letting it go
and angrier for not understanding...

when the dance finished
i was left in anger

i wrote PAGES AND PAGES AND PAGES about this
but it is too detailed
-- rituals are not to be talked about.

i woke up after the last night of dancing
the rain had come
i felt homeless and terrified and stupid
and slept for three days in a fevourish fit
the fourth was in travelling.. thought hot springs would do me good
despite what the elders said
got up to portland
and added Sheridan's magic medicine to the blend
which has even made me more space-heady

i repeatedly feel i just need to scrap everything and listen to the wind blow



where are all the meaningful things now i wanted to say?

perhaps nothing

all i know is
i prayed and prayed to be filled with love
and i'm working on it
letting myself get SO ANGRY was a defilement of myself
-- also showed me i STILL don't know how to deal with my emotions
i was picked up, many times, in the arms of love
and that is always beautiful

and what's more
i have friends
and sometimes just thinking of them melts my heart
and i'm thankful for that

i'm really really really thankful for everyone
thanks for showing up
we're working
sorry i'm being so silly
someone throw an intervention for me
change my name


  • My tweets

    Thu, 19:46: Just watched Finding Vivian Maier with Koos. . . as soon as they stared showing the work I was on the verge of...…

  • My tweets

    Wed, 11:38: "Ahhhhhhh que triste, verdad que triste, verdad" (heard on the sidewalk)

  • My tweets: walking with Arun

    Sun, 12:31: I posted a new photo to Facebook Sun, 18:44: more walking Sun, 18:44: I posted a new photo to Facebook…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.