Thu, 29 May 2003 15:03:44 -0700 (PDT)
the history of contacts
how do you know where i am
do you have spies?
i'll fucking sue you man!
i'm loving the midwest
i feel so comfortable
no longer afraid of the dark
or midday shadows...
i was deperately depressed in indiana
did my best to wear a smile
--- it came across as convincing
except when mother asked me to stay longer and i almost broke down and
thursday night to sunday afternoon
dad and i were together
which was pretty damn cool
but i'll get to that in a moment
mom yelled at him for ignoring me
after i'd come all that way and been gone so long
so i was sleeping in your room
where i've been brewing kombucha
and sleeping on that buckwheat pillow
and, you know me, i'm a normal guy and everything
not really into that psychic stuff
but that pillow is freaky
mom's memories are in there
and some of yours
when i put my head on it
i could hear her thoughts (past)
and some of yours
and lots of voices i didn't know
it was freaky
i had to move it away when i wanted to actually sleep
but it was fun to play with
and the second morning dad walks in
wakes me up, of course,
and asks me my plans
which i spilled out
-- they didn't include him because he was absent...
but he said he wanted to spend time
and i told him i was here to see him
so would change my plans
happy to do so
' dad, i'm terrified of you '
so we made plans
and that morning made me feel SO good
so filled with love
i pulled down three of your books
"how to lose a guy in ten days"
"the history of suicide in america"
"the journey to self discovery"
they were all very helpful
i wrote in my journal a long time
and felt very good
dad and i
as you say
he loved picking fights with me
but i wasn't so interested in showing him that i was better than he is
though, of course, we know i am
so i would just sai
"dad, we could play this game forever.. .but we're not going to"
and i would walk away
then come back
and we'd talk again
it was nice
we took walks
and got kinda drunk
and his fishing buddies visited
and we played cards with harry and laverne and gerry
and dad said i should come for 4th of july and november
and often do things that i didn't like to make other people happy
and always be true to myself
and never mention anything about homosexuality around him
and i smiled
and it was nice
and we seperated.
he's not a bad man.
he loves mom a lot
or needs her
he's cast her in a role that she doesn't fit
and doesn't really know about
and he'd probably be embarrassed to explain it to her
and it's a nice dream
and it'd be really nice if it'd work out for them
but they'd have to have a relationship first
so... we'll see where it goes
coz it doesn't look like either of them really want to seperate.
these people are fucking crazy.
this is life, and everything's alright.
i visited genie and kristy.
i'm with rick and elaine right now
some other stuff has happened
the van is leaking oil.
things are ok
things are confusing
life moves on
how are you?