"you can't go on
thinking
nothing's wrong"

terrible.
in Berlin
Leo and i were looking for Internet
we went into the Easy Internet monstrosity
and they were playing the general Hits Background music

it was The Cars "Drive"

which i've been hearing a lot lately in NYC
in Better Burger
waiting rooms..

i don't think i ever paid attention to the song before

but it's plaguing me

after hearing it in the Easy Internet
i couldn't get it out of my head
so i downloaded it last night
and listened to it over and over

and over

meanwhile
i've been going to a lot of saunas here

twice in berlin
three times in Prague
then last night in Munich

odd
seeing that i went to a sauna ONCE in Peru, Once in NYC, and only one sex party the entire year i was in NYC...

so i've not been doing this much
sure
it's different in europe
i like it better
you can have conversations...

you can also be fucked by drunk turks
if you let yourself

"who's gonna tell you when
it's too late?"

the untying of things
it's startling
the story is unfurling oddly
and part of me is passive
watching it
listening
receiving the experience

another part of me is strategizing to defeat my struggles
the other has faith and doesn't worry

but i'm still taking a beating over it