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Vertical Prose


March 15th, 2006

woke up at the wrong time @ 06:13 am

our room has a radiator in it
a little knob on the side
i turned it on
just slightly, i thought
but i woke about 5 am
sweating, feeling strangled by the sheet/duvet
too much heat

i reached up and turned the radiator off
and lay back down in my dream

i had been dreaming that i was a married man
and had another really good man friend
we would get together sometimes
and drink
and talk
and have sex

i rarely had sex with anyone besides my wife and him
but he was out all the time
picking up guys at road-side rest stops and parks
i remember
in the dream
being really concerned for him
trying to explain to him how these men had no scruples
had no integrity when it came to protecting themselves, their families, and the guys they had sex with
that he was putting himself, his family and me at danger by having sex with them

but he didn't want to hear it

my life went on with a quiet un-easyness that i couldn't do anything about
because he was my friend...

somewhere in this vague stressful life my dream was giving me
i woke

layed in that feeling
unquiet
i was very thirsty
i went to the toilet
sat down
and emptied myself
drank many glasses of water
thought.

came back to bed
got out the computer
and wrote a letter to Eli.

i went to sleep around 6:30 or so
and woke again around 10 something
this time
from a dream of my sister and mother coming to visit me where i was living with my Friend in Germany
i had to explain everything to them in a pedantic way
it was really tiring
my Friend disappeared
in fact
everyone in Germany seemed to disappear
to the extent that i had to make all the food for them
i had to get the tickets for the train
i had to, somehow, figure out how to drive the train and make it go where we wanted to go
my mother and sister were continually confused and asking me to do more and more things

i woke up tired.
 
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Vertical Prose