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Vertical Prose

January 13th, 2006

Help! -- i feel unloved! @ 06:35 pm

Current Music: Far Away -- Martha Wainwright

kick me in the stomach
knock me on the ground
pound me

just pay attention

love me

i'm on a wind swept hill

and now the sun is gone
and now it's cold
and the melting snow sounds like a river pouring down

i want to be worth something
i feel so worthless
can't give you anything
anything you want
anything you'd ask for
anything you'd appreciate

i feel unloved
i know it's a two way street
and i'm alone out here.

i just finished giving a massage
and i feel pretty terrible.
but not because of him
not because of that
that was fun and nice and good
- but there's this voice in the back of my head -
and my body feels terrible.

i'm just letting you know
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[User Picture Icon]
Date:January 14th, 2006 12:07 am (UTC)



[User Picture Icon]
Date:January 14th, 2006 12:41 am (UTC)
People see such light in your smile.
And yet you still feel empty.
I tell you you really DO give, even when you think you have nothing left.
And somehow words on a screen don't help.
I hope they do though.

[User Picture Icon]
Date:January 14th, 2006 06:19 am (UTC)

Thanks, XO

time for everything

sometimes more ebb

today's an ebb day

feeling the pulling
(on the empty chair)

Thank you, though
i appreciate it
[User Picture Icon]
Date:January 14th, 2006 01:58 am (UTC)
I love you.
As a choice, granted,
and it doesn't mean as much as if I actually knew you,
but I still love you.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:January 14th, 2006 06:25 am (UTC)
i need the kind of love now
where we spend most nights together

you know
smoking cigarettes at the truck stop all night over black coffee
(circa 16 years old)

or watching movies
or walking in the emptiness
but BEING together

i'm just missing constant compainionship

you know New York?
fucking High Fives there
i don't like having to show off all the time to get attention
and i'm just... Not a city person
so i often feel like a spider-man from Mars with the people i know there who are talking about whatever it is they think is important

thanks for loving me.

we should meet someday.

have you read "running with scissors"?
someone gave it to me and i just finished it
-- it's around Amhearst... you too, right?
... that's also helped me to feel desperate, sad and lonely.
(the book, that is)

i'm up near Easton, NY right now
not really that far from you
but not really that close...
[User Picture Icon]
Date:January 14th, 2006 11:45 pm (UTC)
I live out in Sun-and-dirt-land...
The land for all your sundering needs.

Pretty far from New York,
but I would think this area would be more your speed.
If you ever feel like being in not-New-York,
the Happy Valley would be happy to have you.
Date:January 14th, 2006 05:12 am (UTC)
Do not forget who you are.
Do not forget your divinity.
Do not forget that from The Void come the manifest wonders.
Do not forget who you are.

The Queer God, the Purple Lord, Black Stonie, He Who Transforms wrap you in His fierce embrace in everything you see, everything you hear, everything you taste, everything you smell, and everything you feel.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:January 14th, 2006 06:27 am (UTC)
forgetting is part of the game

and currently
i feel ousted from my god-ship
sexuality defiled
and hands useless
body tired

would remembering in the body and deed be, bless'd!
but now
only in the mind
more sadness
at the thought...

time outside
time in the dark
time in the dreaming

like forgetting

to remember anew?
to remember more fully?

to remember, indeed

but now: time for forgetting.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:January 19th, 2006 03:08 pm (UTC)
Im thinking about -actually- walking with you
and I always want to -really, truly, deeply- walk with you
for as long as I'm still around
And I know I sometimes chunk rocks at you
but that's just part of the walk
Doesn't mean I don't love you
It just means the rock was lying there
and it's part of the guy nature
to pick it up,
chunk it
and see what you do back to me
but always I'll be with you
really, truly, ever!
Love you

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