day 15 @ 10:23 pm
... Most People Demand Too Much Attention ...
Like Eli says i do?
Jim is so hung up on things... repeating... conservative...
Stodgy. Stuck in his ways.
(he's commented on it himself)
He said he'd never take another trip without Gene again
coz he misses him too much...
Just as i wrote that down
he told me Pancho called him a "Heel" last night at dinner.
i don't even know what that means.
... but he says he doesn't really Care.
he IS a cancer & can feel everything...
& 73 i'm sure he's learned how
i guess he's made himself clear
no matter how obfuscating i am
i get the impression he's not having a good time with me.
brushed my hair.
got a bit of breakfast; ate my cherimoya.
went out into the city to erase my pictures from the two computers i left stuff on...
the internet cafe across the street wasn't open yet
so i walked the long block up to the other one
... which was in the process of opening
i got on the computer
and found that it re-images it self every time it is restarted
(which is comon at internet cafes... but not all of them)
- so nothing to worry about.
i wrote a few emails.
then went back to the other place.
-- it still wasn't open.
so i went back up to the hotel
and grabbed my back pack.
when i came down the cafe was open...
but some spy ware program had expired and kept the computer completely locked up..
so i rebooted it in safe-mode to by-pass that
and deleted my files
i stood around outside
taking pictures of the new arrivals...
i'm glad it wasn't my group
there were two big Bubbas
with their wives
-- it would have been torture
... i took a few pictures of them
then got on our new bus.
--- we headed out of town.
i had a bad dream
being hounded by Joel
Sheridan had stolen my journal
trevis was there somewhere in the back ground: silent
i couldn't figure out why sheridan took it... i think she sold it
i was running all over looking for it.
i woke with the energy from Will last night palpably in my aura
after having no sex for so long it was very clear
... and i didn't like it.
pretty much the whole day on the bus
so plenty of time to think...
i thought about 79 Clinton.
... living with Don?
or what kind of Situation would be good for me?
Nayland... want to be gentle and respectful with him..
& wondered if i should interract with my Italians at all anymore...
& the Power of now...
Talked with Judy about it
i said i wished i would have written that book
but i was afraid the universe would have destroyed me
as i would have written it with the intention of bringing the world to an end (as we know it)
which, i guess, wasn't his main motivation...
we stopped at a few tourist places
an old ornate church
the highest spot in the road (14,000ft)
& more ruins.
i bought a bag at the church for my stuff that i'd left in Palm Springs
my back pack was getting full and i knew i'd need more space to get it back to NYC...
on one of our pee-breaks
i saw another of those Fortune dolls for Nayland in the shop...
Bigger. Better. Cheeper.
his name is Ekecho. 13 soles.
the ruins were once a huge building with pillars and tons of food storage
now mostly destoyed
and eaten by the weather...
this Hotel is nice.
Jim thought we were having an earthquake:
it was just the wind shaking the building
Trying to make Jim feel good.
but i don't know what he wants...
rather- i can't give it to him:
he needs Gene.
...& wer're sexually incompatible:
he's totally passive.
maybe he's not interested?
-- i am agressive; i need a more agressive man to have a good time
~~ my italians? ~~
i talked with Walter about Mongolia a lot at dinner tonight...
i'm finding it more and more difficult to Read
The Power of Now
because i keep stopping to just be i presence
then drift into it
getting distracted from reading the book.