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Vertical Prose


October 15th, 2005

night notes (have to do something other than just let it go) @ 12:59 am

So
what if it's true?

the big men are McDonald's men...

fat from hydrogenated oils

death carcases...

NO!
vital bodies of love and happiness!
jolly fat!
gnomes of pleasure!

what if they're just stupid... watch TV all the time (i'm not talking about anyone in particular-- just everyone)

remember when i was younger an judged them all as lazy and dumb?
maybe i was right!

i just read "Catcher in the Rye" again
and maybe i was right!

and it's so funny to read that book as an adult
all the judgements he makes
how scared he is of love and affection
how hurt...
HOW OUTSIDE!

outside of life
looking at it...
someone has to be outside of life to protect the bumbling idiots lost in the pleasure of living...
someone needs to float by the clif-side

if a body meet a body passing through the rye

if a body catch a body coming through the rye

keep them from going off that cliff
all those kids

someone's gotta keep an eye out

yeah
can't get lost in the pleasure of it: someone's gotta watch out..

what do you want to be when you grow up?



the skinny ones are all neurotic
that's not attractive.
that's not healthy
that's certainly not good for me
the hungry ones
starving... and Cold.

which to choose?
i want a boy friend
i want all that stupid old shit...




i'd say
i'm worried that my writing has degenerated even further
not even carrying threads through to hold pants together or anything
just a bunch of...
loose threads..


but his voluptuous ass is so nice!
it is!
it's firm and
the belly is so round!
he's a perfect gnome!
that smile!
that nose!
those eyes...
we'll.. it's perfect
you get that way when you're a hundred and three
round!
tough!
leather... bull...
gnome
monster

something beautiful
and it's not my fault
but if he can't cum while connecting
why can't we connect?
if we can't sleep while cuddling...

if he can't cook for himself...

what the fuck could i imagine the world SHOULD be like?

isn't there something important going on?
or should i just be a great big star...

i knew i should have put "WAY DOWN" on the fragment...
it's not depressing..
it's just like it is
it's making fun of it
it's laughing at ourselves

someone has to
even through tears
or not even so dramatic
better than just letting it pass out like a sigh

i couldn't just go to sleep tonight
i had to write a bit of it down

if i read this later will any of it make sense to me?

this isn't for anyone else
that's simple
it's just me trying to let the pressure out a bit
so i can see clearly.

[where friends are]
 
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