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September 10th, 2005

mother @ 01:36 am

i just got a massage from my mom.

she wanted to the morning after i worked on her
but i worked on her for three hours
and she needed her rest after that

so tonight
we made a date
though i couuld have run off to get some dick
i stuck around

and she had a migrane
so couldn't work on me
and that was sad

i hugged her and said
'it's alright, mom, i'm used to people... especially people who say they love me
telling me they'll do something nice for me..
and not being able to...
no, it's alright... i've learned not to rely on anyone...

Oh, i'm just kidding!'

[yeah, right.]

so i gave more music to my sister
and updated my dad's iPod
and drank a glass of dandylion wine
and talked with my mom

she said
"have you ever taken on someone's pain?"

"have you ever breathed air?"


and i lectured

enough for her to realize, as she already knew, that this headache was from working on a girl at the store today who had a headache
and it wasn't hers
and when you realize the shit you've taken on isn't yours
it's really easy to let go of
because it doesn't belong to you: nothing for it to stick to..

in a few minutes
she was totally better


she gave me a massage

and it was nice

nice to be massaged by mom


she did things i'd not had done in a while
and things i'd never had done
and i taught her some of the things no one has ever done to me
it felt great...

but as she started to work on my back
i guess it opened up my heart
and i felt sad
so so sad

where the fuck am i?
and where should i go?

and where is my home?

do i want to live in New York or Tennessee or England or California?
fuckhellshitfuckin not in Indiana
what the fuck is up with my lovers?
fuck you guys, you know who you are.. all ov you
fuck you for ignoring me so much and leaving me lonely
"where do we go from here? the words are comming out all weird... Where Are You Now... When i need you....?"
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Date:September 27th, 2005 12:42 pm (UTC)
this made me sad for you and i wanted to be there for you as anything you needed...what a great lyrical thing when you write your stream...it is poetry and music and brings up emotions of touch and sound and sight where there is none...you open my day, i am so glad to have found you...c'mere if you can and i will be here, to hold to be held, or just to sit and absorb your tears and laughter...i think you were here in reddington pass last year, i remeber a guy who was so sentient and wonderful and i was afraid i would offend, i am not afraid anymore..thank you for being on this world...i have a non geographic love of you, you do not have to be next to me for me to love you and all of your incarnations...but it would be nice to have you reach out adn touch me and say it is good to be with you..i weep for your sadness, and chuckle at your joy...what is it i can do for you?...i love you, buck

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