we had this game we used to play...
Trevis had a girl friend once
that i mistook for a female replacement of me
we looked the same
(same haircut; when i didn't have a beard)
at the time
Sheridan lived with She and Trevis and I in The Bunker in Tucson Arizona
( " The Pit In Which We Burn It All " )
Sheridan and i got to calling her "Psycho Bitch"
because she would try and control everything
and because she was Trevis's pussy
and it was his mother paying the rent
she often got her way.
What's going on?
when i got to Sheridan's house this morning
she didn't hug me
didn't even touch me.
gave me... about 7% of herself...
when we talked a week ago
and i set up this trip
we'd made plans to head out to bagby together...(hot springs)
and she'd already rented a car for it...
and we'd talked on the phone last month in the most friendly way: i was excited to spend time with her...
well, on wednesday
her husband called
all rattled and quick
and told me i couldn't stay at the house
that all plans had changed...
so i really had no idea what was going on
but there was nothing i could say...
so i got a place to stay last night with another friend of mine ( of course a gay, bearish man... )
headed over this morning...
she wouldn't even let me in her house.
i had worked out a lot of the anger before i got there
so i just quietly watched and listened and participated as much as there was room for...
went through the boxes
and loaded them into my big suitcase
-- tons of old photographs
and recordings of conversations, experiences... nights out...
a few other personal affects...
but she couldn't find my journals...
but what was going on?
i didn't even see her husband...
so i headed off down the street a few blocks to a newly incredibly gentrified street
ran into a Faery i knew
sat and drank tea and looked at my options as far as getting down to SF...
on the walk back to the house
i realized i had to shit
and i KNEW she didn't want me in her house
so i wondered if i should turn back...
however, the radical in me got the best of me
and i thought i would ask her if i could use her toilet.
when i got to her house
i knocked on the door
then called her mobile
and saw her husband pick it up
then head up stairs...
i called after him
Sheridan came down
-- i asked her if i could use her toilet
she paused and said "i suppose so"
and i mumbled (the anger seething out the sides)
"thank you, how very accommodating of you"
as i was finishing in the bathroom
washing my hands
i heard her hubby shouting this in a very agitated way
something about me being in the bathroom...
but he's such a drama queen...
i just leisurely took my time
washed my hands, dried them
and opened the door...
the front door was open
so i headed towards it
he cut me off babbling a hundred miles an hour
telling me he'd warned me three times
and i had 30 seconds to get off his property or he was calling the cops and having me arrested for trespassing
my cellphone rang.
i answered it
and said " one moment, (to him) 30 seconds, eh? "
and he screamed
"Get off my property and never bother us again!"
What The Fuck Just Happend There?
they both love Pot
they've been growing the stuff for Years...
since 2001 i imagine
they had a medical marijuana grower's license
so they had the best shit
and smoked as much of it as they wanted all the time...
maybe he's acting like such a crack head because he's suffering withdraw?
maybe he's buckling under stress?
Leo suggested he might be addicted to Crystal...
but what the fuck is HER excuse?
it's like abandonment issues with my mother!
she didn't defend me.... or make any real decisions...
how my father (her husband is also a picese) would always freak out at me
and my mother would just let it happen
... she learned to protect me eventually
and then i learned better to protect myself...
--so i got my stuff
and wheeled it two doors down
sat in the shade (of a kuly-bah tree )
and waited for Otto
(my manager from the bath house days.. a bit beautiful friendly happy bear of a man.. now working for the public transportation here so he can include himself in the ranks of the Incredibly Cute Bus Drivers in this city)
i hung out with him and another old friend at his house for a while
til he had to go to work
then i met up with another local friend
and went and played with him in a forest on Powell Butte
then back here
to lay in the sun for a few hours
- it was lovely
but i thought i needed to write about this before i could rest
brush my hair
take a shower
and a bath
and then rest
old friends, eh?