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July 29th, 2005

Psycho Bitch / Crack Head @ 08:37 pm

Different than i expected...

we had this game we used to play...

Trevis had a girl friend once
that i mistook for a female replacement of me
we looked the same
(same haircut; when i didn't have a beard)

at the time
Sheridan lived with She and Trevis and I in The Bunker in Tucson Arizona
( " The Pit In Which We Burn It All " )

Sheridan and i got to calling her "Psycho Bitch"
because she would try and control everything
and because she was Trevis's pussy
and it was his mother paying the rent
she often got her way.

What's going on?

when i got to Sheridan's house this morning
she didn't hug me
didn't even touch me.

gave me... about 7% of herself...

when we talked a week ago
and i set up this trip
we'd made plans to head out to bagby together...(hot springs)
and she'd already rented a car for it...
and we'd talked on the phone last month in the most friendly way: i was excited to spend time with her...

well, on wednesday
her husband called
all rattled and quick
and told me i couldn't stay at the house
that all plans had changed...

so i really had no idea what was going on
but there was nothing i could say...

so i got a place to stay last night with another friend of mine ( of course a gay, bearish man... )
headed over this morning...

she wouldn't even let me in her house.

i had worked out a lot of the anger before i got there
so i just quietly watched and listened and participated as much as there was room for...

went through the boxes
and loaded them into my big suitcase
-- tons of old photographs
and recordings of conversations, experiences... nights out...
a few other personal affects...
but she couldn't find my journals...

but what was going on?
i didn't even see her husband...

so i headed off down the street a few blocks to a newly incredibly gentrified street
ran into a Faery i knew
sat and drank tea and looked at my options as far as getting down to SF...

on the walk back to the house
i realized i had to shit
and i KNEW she didn't want me in her house
so i wondered if i should turn back...
however, the radical in me got the best of me
and i thought i would ask her if i could use her toilet.

when i got to her house
i knocked on the door
then called her mobile
and saw her husband pick it up
then head up stairs...
i called after him

Sheridan came down
-- i asked her if i could use her toilet
she paused and said "i suppose so"
and i mumbled (the anger seething out the sides)
"thank you, how very accommodating of you"

as i was finishing in the bathroom
washing my hands
i heard her hubby shouting this in a very agitated way
something about me being in the bathroom...

but he's such a drama queen...

i just leisurely took my time
washed my hands, dried them
and opened the door...

the front door was open
so i headed towards it
he cut me off babbling a hundred miles an hour
telling me he'd warned me three times
and i had 30 seconds to get off his property or he was calling the cops and having me arrested for trespassing

my cellphone rang.

i answered it
and said " one moment, (to him) 30 seconds, eh? "
and he screamed
"Get off my property and never bother us again!"


What The Fuck Just Happend There?

they both love Pot
they've been growing the stuff for Years...
since 2001 i imagine
they had a medical marijuana grower's license
so they had the best shit
and smoked as much of it as they wanted all the time...
maybe he's acting like such a crack head because he's suffering withdraw?
maybe he's buckling under stress?
Leo suggested he might be addicted to Crystal...
but what the fuck is HER excuse?
it's like abandonment issues with my mother!
she didn't defend me.... or make any real decisions...
how my father (her husband is also a picese) would always freak out at me
and my mother would just let it happen
... she learned to protect me eventually
and then i learned better to protect myself...

--so i got my stuff
and wheeled it two doors down
sat in the shade (of a kuly-bah tree )
and waited for Otto
(my manager from the bath house days.. a bit beautiful friendly happy bear of a man.. now working for the public transportation here so he can include himself in the ranks of the Incredibly Cute Bus Drivers in this city)

i hung out with him and another old friend at his house for a while
til he had to go to work
then i met up with another local friend
and went and played with him in a forest on Powell Butte
then back here
to lay in the sun for a few hours
- it was lovely
but i thought i needed to write about this before i could rest

brush my hair
take a shower
and a bath
and then rest

old friends, eh?

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[User Picture Icon]
Date:July 30th, 2005 04:09 am (UTC)
sounds for sure like somethings going on w/ hubby and not so much w/ your friend...just how I read fm here fm what you wrote...sure sounded like considerably weirder than you thought you were heading into...I'll betcha money that someday you'll find out what was up. And glad youre out of it and on to folks much happier to see you. Take care/go well
[User Picture Icon]
Date:July 30th, 2005 04:18 am (UTC)
... but she couldn't find my journals...

Huh... was there anything in your journals that might upset either of them if they were to invade your privacy?
[User Picture Icon]
Date:July 30th, 2005 04:24 am (UTC)
probably not
those journals were all my writings from the age of 14 to 20
i doubt they burned them or kept them hidden
i think they're just with another faction of friends i've lost touch with...
[User Picture Icon]
Date:July 30th, 2005 04:41 am (UTC)
Well okay then... yay for melodrama.

I guess everyone needs to have their own version drama.

It's too bad they had to take it out on you, but you seem to be unfazed and still enjoying yourself out there. :)
Date:July 31st, 2005 04:35 am (UTC)
I'm sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve that treatment.

What happened had everything to do with you--because it happened to you. But, you did not cause it to happen. Because you were not the source of this aggression and hatred, because you did not cause it, you will never, never be able to figure it out. Please stop trying. Focus on the next.

When we fail to communicate, or fail to communicate fully, people are free to think whatever they want. Your acquaintances did not communicate fully what had happened to them, or what thought precipitated this whole morass of horseshit. You're free to think whatever you want, but please know that you were not the cause of the malfunction.

I know I have learned something from your post: If ever I am exceedingly furious with someone, or severely freaked out with them, I need to communicate very clearly what's going on, so the person will understand and not be harmed. Perhaps I could do this most clearly in a letter, if I think I cannot contain my rage in person. Failing that, I think I should just withdraw from the situation altogether. I believe Sheridan's unexplained absence would have been preferable, to what you lived through.

You're a fine person. Please remember that.
Date:July 31st, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)

Old friends

Sometimes we need to let go of old friends to make room for new ones and sometimes ... in time we discover the reason why someone was in our lives for less time than we had hoped or wanted.
The universe will provide the people you need when you need them. Sometimes I mourn the loss of old friends, and other times I know they will be in my heart always, and maybe in my life again.
Date:August 2nd, 2005 06:57 pm (UTC)

not a reply but an urgent call

please contact Coco he cant reach you and wants your consent to publish in RFD Jan H J. Amsterdam (Cocopierre@eurofaerie.de) the unpublished part of the butt- interview. He is allmost against the RFD deadline...
Date:August 4th, 2005 02:59 am (UTC)


notarookie aka ultrabear wonders where you are? How lolong does it usually take you to decide if a person is for real or not?
Date:August 4th, 2005 07:46 am (UTC)
ok, this is random but i'm wondering whatever happened to trevis. can you tell me? i knew him almost 10 years ago, he made quite an impact on my life. i googled him and ended up here. fill me in if you please.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:August 4th, 2005 07:04 pm (UTC)


Hello there
and Who are You?
he made quite on impact on many lives..

Trevis is a boy i was obessessed with as a teenager
we met out in the cornfields of indiana
and became quick companions
spending as much time as always together until 1999
when i decided i wanted a real-boy-friend and left to live in Arkansas

Trevis then
shortly after
took up with an older woman out at Brietenbush Hot Springs
and we, very shortly after that, stopped talking with eachother

as it is now
i am not in touch with him or any of my other Hoosier friends...

where did you meet him?
or Indiana?

i can give you his current telephone number
but i don't know his email
or if he'll call you back
seeing that he has that quality of not being very good at keeping in touch with people.

i'm dominic--- did you know me?

my email is
vyne23 at yahoo dot com
email me there
and i'll give you his number

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