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December 22nd, 2011

wish @ 03:20 pm

did any of you
(from my generation)
listen to Nine Inch Nails as a child
(early teenage years)
and take it all too seriously?
agreeing with every word?
every discordant burst of distortion?

I was reading my journals (from 2006)
to a friend last night
and there was an exchange in there (copied from Skype) with a boy I used to really love
-- we connected via lots of things
music a main one
NIN an important aspect:
he told me later that I believed the music more than he did

-- I remember
when I hit puberty
sitting in church
I had an awful realization:
that all of the congregation
(and society, as I took it)
Believed in all this shit
I had just thought it was some sort of entertainment
theater...

well,
my friend
he seemed to believe all of this pop music was Theater
= I had taken it all as Gospel


So last night
I showed my (new) friend
the videos for Closer and Wish
he was impressed that this shit was happening in the early '90s
and I elaborated all of the themes in NIN's music from that time:
self hatred.
betrayal by the loved one and God
hatred of the loved one and God
pretty much hopelessness and suffering
feeling imprisoned
mwa mwa mwa

Yeah!
I said
Good Times!
he said
No: not good times

so
of course
I have Wish stuck in my head today
so many brilliant lines!
fucking monster song...

I remember willfully separating myself from listening to NIN
I took it all too seriously
like Trent was my mouth piece
I did the same with Radiohead and Tori and PJ and Bjork and Morrissey

fortunately I was able to make my way back to some of them as friends
we had grown together
instead of just apart
as I had from some of them

I've never really listened much to anything after Halo 10

but enjoyed the soundtrack to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
and am glad he's still making music
and is free from having to write lyrics so much


have any of you
around my age
who married Trent
when we were young
stay married to him all these years?

I think he's divorced himself over the years...

I wonder if his beauty is as magnetic as it once was...

.
:.:
 
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