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April 14th, 2011

mercury retrograde in aries experience @ 03:12 am

I thought it was about my short hair
maybe it's an old moon's way
but I just keep wanting to say my first thought/feeling
the most honest:direct thing that comes to my lips

'shut up you insecure bitch'
was the first instance I noticed today
a choice response on scruff

'it's pretty, but they're bad story tellers and I've never seen her pull off a convincing scene in anything I've ever seen her in'

I thought of Robbie today
a big ole cute bumble bear I once knew
a virgo that seemed mostly happy and appreciative of his lot
I wanted to ask him today
'what did you do that let you enjoy more than prune?'
lay to waste...

I wish I could be attentive
discerning
critical, even
but loving and joyous
happy and appreciative


this is the longest amount of time I've yet spent in Lake County
the entire time I've know Leo
and all he ever does is bitch about this place
how could I enjoy it?

not saying I deserve anything else
I have dirty eyes as well

even the man I met with yesterday had nothing good to say about his experience here over the last two years

easy to look with disdainful eyes at all the dirt roads
poverty
trashy drug addicts with their desperate violent elegance
dust covering ever dilapidated trailer
sifting through pebbles

sure
but I loathe more the pretentious tackiness of where I grew up over this honest destitution

not that that is much to recommend
but driving home I saw a bumper sticker
said
"Lake County: We Like It!"
and they do
what's the matter?
to each his own
I obviously just need to return to the nearest to Where I Belong

but Really
is Direct Honest Judgement ever useful?
Yes:
When it is asked for.

how to hone my blades without making my mouth so bitter?

( I don't want companions if all we do is talk shit. . .
( I remember his lips being chapped, diseased, ugly... one glanced of appreciation resored his beauty. . .

I want to see the beauty
and paint it with clean loving eyes


.iP
 
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