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February 5th, 2010

...and then I @ 11:34 pm

...and then I
and then I...

skipped the beard ball this year
hang out with friends instead
try the yoga cycle as Robbin recemmends
starting with standing
then some inversions
then back bends
then forward bends

the idea of moving from the daily world INTO introspection

opposite of what I usually do
in my narcessistic tendencies
I'm always introverted:
I start there and open myself up: building up the skills to interract with the world
then resting in final preparation for That Great Effort

it was nice
we at veal stew, vegetable turrine, brusslesprouts with blue cheese and bacon
red wine

toga feast, right?

divine.
so thankful
but really... let's just stay in
cannibalize some roaches
watch Vibes and Sita Sings the Blues

the former: this is the first time I've watched it since traveling to Peru
and the whole thing felt so serious to me
I almost felt like crying a few times
that's also childhood memories
as I watched it Many times around puberty:
before I discovered sex
I wanted to be a psychick

it recently got a release on DVD
I'll have to get it
as my copy is a bootleg I bought on eBay in 05... a VHS transfer

Sita
was pretty great
however
I wish it was only the myth parts...
the way the myth was told was brilliant.. an excellent comment on the story, the history, human nature... and entertaining
the rest of it I found tedious, and fast forwarded through after I got half-way through

it took a while yet to sleep after
I wrote, read, reflected. rested.

first 8hour night in a while
so up at nearly 11
and David made lovely blueberry pancakes with bacon so fresh it had bones in it
brought over by steven...

naked breakfast is a good way to start the day

then met up with Dust in the back car of the C train
to TriBeCa
to a casting for Interview
to Mulberry St
to get brushes and ox horns

everyone wanted me to buy horses
but they would have broken before I got home
I bought a piss-pig instead
(ah... Chinatown)
ate a wierd bacon and scallion bun
and headed to Astoria to see Michael
(dust went home)

we went to a pretty fucking great Greek restaurant
though they were out of Shark
and their retsina wasn't very pungeant ( just tasted like white wine )
their salad, dolmathes and lamb chops were excellent
I was overfed
we walked back to his place
he made the bed
and I fell into a food coma
I rarely nap
I dreampt we had sex
I woke up
we did
he said he felt I really needed release

yesterday at the clinic I was talking with Jackie
I'm mostly oral
and have had a mild sore throat since Ireland
and sex just hasn't been fun
she said "maybe you're curing yourself"

I didn't really enjoy the sex
and felt all edgy afterwards
and just want to go
which I rarely feel like
I like the guy!
but for some reason I became scared of him
which made him try to please me more
which made me want to leave more

he gave me a million things

I left
felt like I was suffocating
called a friend and told him I've been afraid of people's lonliness lately
he said "I thought you liked people who were good at being alone"
I do
but when people want me to be the person they're not alone with...
wait..
all of a sudden I found myself not understanding that drive
that fear
I don't want to ever be lonely and needy?
I don't want people to rely on me?
is it just an intimacy thing?

I called this couple that I met a few months ago at a bar
who hired me for a couple massage
who I really loved hanging out with
and hadn't seen since
they lived just down the way
so I called them
went over to hang out
They're the ones who told me to see Sita, one is part Indian/iranees
the other is a hot little Aries Irish German fireball
we sat, had tea, talked, touched
but I had made a plan with a friend to do mutual massage tonight
so I left

on the train now
from Astoria to Washington Heights
just about an hour...





.iP
 
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